Unfamiliar Stillness

I’m terrified
But I sit with you
You do not force me to
You allow me to choose my own company
And I choose you
Silence cloaks us, but it is not heavy, not hollow
It does not beg to be filled
Your breaths are a quivering quiet, but slow and steady
A rhythm in which I feel at home
Your light eyes do not hold me, though I am so aware the flakes of crystal in them could paralyze me
I do not feel them
When I look at you, only then can I sense their grip
So many times I have longed to get away
This time I want to be kept
I want to be kept safe
I want to be kept warm
I want to be kept hidden
And I want you to keep me
You can keep me
Please keep me
Even from here I can feel your heartbeat
It is fast like mine
Are you afraid, too?
I find comfort in its pace, for I know I am not alone
I can see a heaviness in your thoughts written on your face
I notice your hand tremble as you begin to lift it
I flinch
You freeze
In this moment of stillness I realize the depth of your caring
I move my own, placing it between us
An invitation
Your eyes land upon my hand
You fingers follow, resting there, slow and gentle
There is no pressure, only compassion and kindness
So soft
Now your fingers are laced with mine
I’m terrified
But I stay with you
So many times I have longed to get away
Maybe one day I can tell you
Your touch and losing the pain
Feel the same
I see you smile, so genuine and selfless
Maybe for once my vulnerability is appreciated
And so unfamiliar, I feel the same cross my own lips
I want you to keep me
You can keep me
Please keep me

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